Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
