you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
