Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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