I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
