you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
