I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize