this will be a night to untag.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
