I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
