hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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