I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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