so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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