Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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