4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
