I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
