Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
