Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
40s are totally the cure
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
