somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize