we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
