I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
