I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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