The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
