I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
