I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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