I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
