So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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