Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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