I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
