I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
