Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
