This is not my ceiling
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
