Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
