I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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