She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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