I wish you could order shots online.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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