oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
