i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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