p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
