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I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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