hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
