Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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