This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
