i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
