I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
