Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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