apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
