I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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