I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
