She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
