Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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