I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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