I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
