Nicole vs. Life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
