i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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