The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize