Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
