the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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