It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize