there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
