he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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