woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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