So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
