I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
