it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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