I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
