Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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