I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
