Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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