Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
