so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
