I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
