I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is the high leading the old right now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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