now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize