This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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