We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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