Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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