I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
