I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
