At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
