Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
