im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
