I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
