Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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