I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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